San DIego is on fire

Here is a shot of the sun at 3:30 this afternoon.

Ok, I know, it is a lot about the fire, but, have you seen the news?

I have, I live here, I have been in all of the areas affected, and I still cannot comprehend the extensiveness of it.

I sit here in the safe cocoon of my home and try desperately to fathom what 500,000 people displaced means. I think I count as one of that number, as we were given a voluntary evacuation notice yesterday, that wasn't lifted until earlier tonight.

I stare out at the post apocalyptic skies and the ash covered ground and realize those ashes may have once been something important to another human being. How does one deal with that realization?

As I try to not fear for my home and my safe place, I know that a huge number of people, people I may know, may have passed on the street, shared dinner at a restaurant with, are without their own safe place tonight. They may not know until days from now if they even still have a home.

The winds, fueled by the desert winds called the Santa Anas, are hot and dry and fast. I have said before it is literally like walking out into a huge blow dryer. They seem to have slowed down today, regardless, you are looking at miles and miles of brush and palm trees that haven't seen moisture in weeks.

Because of this, there are firefighters that haven't stopped working for over 40 hours. 40 hours!?! I am not talking 40 hours of hanging out at home either, this is hot, dangerous and physically challenging. I want to go volunteer to give them hugs or back rubs or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Those of you who know me, know I have some sort of reverse fetish about touching people I don't know, I HATE IT. I am in awe of their ability to think beyond themselves and go into heat and smoke and danger for a complete stranger.

But do you realize these men and women are going into burning homes and taking pictures and mementos out and putting them on the lawn in an attempt to save something for the family whose home was destroyed?

There are hundreds of families that will go home to nothing but a pile of rubble, and find a stack of family pictures that they didn't have time to grab on the way out, on their lawn.

What about this; out of over 100,000 acres burned, less than 1000 structures have been destroyed. That includes barns, garages and commercial buildings. This amazes me, someone is doing something right.

I go outside for only a few minutes at a time, the air is hard to breathe and the sky is unsettling. That once comforting campfire smell has taken on a new memory for me, and it can no longer be comforting, as I know it is not just wood, but homes and lives that I smell burning.

When it is not you that is affected it is really hard to quantify the news reports. I am scared, but how would I feel if I was one of those people that had to leave at 4am in the pitch black with no electricity and embers landing on their cars on the way out of the neighborhood.